Harry Potter and the truck

So, as its a week before the final movie comes out, I have of course, been re-reading the book! And today I am watching the previous movies on ABC Family. And I came upon an oops in the magical world!! In Prisoner of Azkaban, Lupin did not know Sirius wasn't the secret keeper for Harry's parents. But in the Deathly Hallows, a letter written to Sirius from Lilly says Lupin had just visited. For Lupin to have visited them while in hiding, the real secret keeper would have needed to give him the location, meaning Pettygrew! So, oops!!

Now, when am I going to get to see this upcoming movie!? I actually haven't a clue! I have both boys in the CDC on Friday but I have to pick them up at 1pm, and the earliest I could find is 11am. Its a 2.5 hours long movie, plus the inevitable previews! So, when do I get to see my movie?!

Now, what am I doing with this time all to myself- a first in months. (OK, well I do get my monthly couple hours out one evening for girls night out, usually just dinner!) But this is a block of 4 hours all to myself!! Well, I am going to be doing truck upkeep! Yes, my me time is actually doing yet another thing that needs to be done, instead of just relaxing and taking some time for me! Maybe I'll get lucky enough to get time to run by Walmart!

I told Will I plan on disappearing for a couple days once he gets home, and I actually mean it! I'm too cheap to actually go stay somewhere, so I'll of course stay home, but I plan on maybe going to a movie and dinner with just me, myself, and I! Maybe I'm harsh for looking most forward to my husband coming home from his deployment for the me time, but really, I need it! And this movie and my not getting to even find a time to go see it is just one way of showing how much I need it!

Please, don't get me wrong, I love my boys with all my heart, and I do not resent that my husband is gone. I knew what I was getting into when I married him, and am so proud of him! But, this deployment has been hard on me. It has shown me I don't really know who I am. I love being His wife. I love being Their mom, but who is that person? I have never had a chance to find out, and frankly I really want to know! Because the person I grew up planning to become is gone. The person I was in high school is gone. The person I was in college even is gone. I am a very different person! I realized this in various interactions with long time friends over the past few months. Its a blog I've thought about writing every day, but its one that I know is going to hurt. Its going to hurt me to put these feelings into writing, and its going to probably hurt the people its about, if they even read my blog! I don't think they do!

So, maybe one day I'll get a chance to figure out who I am, and stop living each day waiting for my life to start! Because I am missing so much just waiting, and I really want to be living!!